


to be human

by xuxikr



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, M/M, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide mention, almost like a biography, demons torture souls, it takes a while before mark appears im sorry, there's gonna be another ship eventually, this is almost blasphemous im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-02-29 20:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18785515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuxikr/pseuds/xuxikr
Summary: Donghyuck learns what it means to be human. It seems to be quite the journey.





	1. there has been a mistake

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be a really long journey, i hope you stick along~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After lashing out on three hundred souls, Donghyuck has finally calmed down enough to sit back in Lucas’ office, smoke emanating from his body as he comes down from his high. Nothing felt better than tormenting humans—and now to think that he’s going to be a tormented human, he’d rather want to die an early death.

“There has been a mistake.” Jisung, the new intern from Limbo announces as he shuffles awkwardly into Donghyuck’s office, holding his clipboard close to his chest.

“What mistake?” Donghyuck spins his swivel chair, turning around to face Jisung. The chair is bedazzled with dismembered limbs and heads on sticks. He catches Jisung stare at a certain head right above his shoulder, seemingly distracted—as if he wants to be anywhere but in front of Donghyuck right now.

“Jisung, what mistake?” He asks again and Jisung shakes out of his reverie.

For a demon, Jisung is pretty pale.

“It’s… there’s been a mistake in the syntax and…” He stutters and Donghyuck’s nose itches from the sheer nervousness of the kid. He gets it, he’s an intern and Donghyuck’s been one of the Big Bosses for some centuries now, it’s not new to be nervous. He’s sure that Jisung’s bullied into coming into his office to tell the bad news. This is Hell, anyway, there’s no such thing as good news.

Plus, Donghyuck has had a bad reputation of swallowing interns whole—if he’s bored, but he hasn’t done that since Lucifer—or Lucas as he likes to call himself reprimanded him about work ethics. Who knew Lucifer was so ethical?

“Jisung,” he breathes out as his horns shrink back into his skull and his claws retract into his nailbeds. His natural form is what he’s most comfortable with, but Jisung is a baby and he figures that that’s too intimidating for him to talk to him properly.

Now, Donghyuck looks like an adult human, barely twenty with auburn hair that rustles as he runs his hand through them. Jisung visibly relaxes. “What’s the mistake?”

“You’regoingtobereincarnated.” Jisung says in one breathing, pursing his lips once he’s done with his sentence, if you can even call that.

Donghyuck barely catches anything. “Sorry but,” he says, leaning forward, “can you say that a bit more clearly?”

Jisung swallows and braces himself for something Donghyuck can’t quite place. “You’re going to be reincarnated because your identification showed up on the database instead of the person who has served enough years to gain another lifetime.”

Donghyuck, although void of any pain receptors ever since he ascended to be the second-in-command after Lucas, goes numb. “What?”

Jisung shuffles to him awkwardly, placing the clipboard on his desk. There, Donghyuck sees a photograph of him from a past life he can’t remember, with chubbier cheeks and darker hair. He supposes he’s about sixteen or seventeen in this photograph, and right next to his photo, it says in big green letters: FOR REINCARNATION.

And then, all hell breaks loose.

 

 

“Lucas!” He yells, the ground he stomps on quivers with every step he takes into the Head Office, waving the clipboard that bears his name around angrily.

Lucas turns to him with an exasperated sigh. He knows they’ve both had tiring days, but this is way too absurd. “Is this a fucking prank?” He bites, tossing the clipboard onto Lucas’s desk.

“What are you talking about?” Lucas asks, grabbing the clipboard and glaring at Donghyuck. Lucas might be the most powerful cryptid in Hell, but Donghyuck is not letting him bully him into mortality. So much for thinking they were friends.

Donghyuck crosses his arms over his chest, feels his horns grow thrice in size at his anger. “Go see for yourself. Mortality—are you serious? I know I piss you off every once in a while but throwing me back to Earth? I know for a fact that you cannot survive one working day without me and you can’t go that low, and you’re… you’re Lucifer!”

He lets Lucas read through the clipboard and when the other’s eyes widen almost comically in his surprise, Donghyuck begins to feel something he has never felt in eons. Nervousness—fear itself.

“Lucas,” he says, slams his hands down on the other’s desk, “tell me you can fix this.”

“Unfortunately,” Lucas begins, and Donghyuck feels Hell shatter underneath his feet. If Lucifer himself says something is unfortunate, then it truly is unfortunate. “The reincarnation has to go through, I cannot do something to stop this… unless I talk to Kun…”

“Kun,” Donghyuck stumbles backwards, a laugh of disbelief filling his chest, “you haven’t talked to Kun in five hundred years… as if he’s going to consider your pleas.”

“Exactly.” Lucas says, solemn.

If there’s one thing that Donghyuck dislikes about working in Hell, it’s that they have to work along with Heaven. Heaven controls everything, and Donghyuck hates that they still have some power over Hell, Donghyuck hates that it’s Heaven that dictates who has been punished enough to be rewarded with reincarnation or eternal life Up There. And Kun—or God, whichever humans wanted to refer to Him as—hasn’t really been in good terms with them for the recent years. Although kudos to Lucas for trying to patch things up, Kun can be kind of petty.

So yeah, Donghyuck’s case is hopeless.

After lashing out on three hundred souls, Donghyuck has finally calmed down enough to sit back in Lucas’ office, smoke emanating from his body as he comes down from his high. Nothing felt better than tormenting humans—and now to think that he’s going to be a tormented human, he’d rather want to die an early death.

“Okay, fuck—let’s do this. Make me human, or whatever.”

Lucas is leaning back on his desk, watching as Donghyuck splayed his entire body on the seat adjacent to him. “It doesn’t work that way, you know that.”

“Well,” Donghyuck sits up, in all his Demon glory. He’s going to miss this form, after all, “tell me when’s my birthday then?”

“On the 6th of June, year 2000.”

“Shit? That’s in a week?”

Lucas nods. “Don’t worry, I’ll be there.”

Donghyuck laughs incredulously. “As if you’re not busy enough with Hell. How can you even find the time to move up and down?”

“Just,” he shrugs, and despite the amount of time Donghyuck has known him, it still surprises him how kind the actual fucking Lucifer can be. At times like this, Donghyuck is reminded that he was once Kun’s—God’s most beautiful angel. “I’ll be there, I’ll be your imaginary friend, the friend from another country, it won’t be so bad.”

Donghyuck narrows his eyes at him. “Do you actually want to help me out through mortality or do you just want an excuse to try humanity?”

Lucas laughs. “Do you want me to help you or not?”

Donghyuck doesn’t remember what being human is like, but he knows for a fact that having the devil by your side has more ups than downs. He lets out a resigned exhale, accepting the twist of fate. “Okay, fine. Help me.”

 

 

Three days before Donghyuck’s birth, an angel named Chenle descends from Heaven and comes into his office in tow with Jisung. He senses his presence before he even appears in front of him, but Heaven and Hell have come to a truce a long, long, long time ago—it’s not uncommon for an angel to descend in order to send a message.

Plus, he’s familiar with Chenle. “Chenle,” he greets, “what brings you to my humble abode?”

“Hi!” Chenle greets him brightly and Donghyuck almost laughs at the way Jisung’s eyes blow wide open at the angel’s friendliness. “I’ve some news for you!”

“Please,” Donghyuck gestures to the seat across his desk, “indulge me.”

“Well, Kun finally read all of Lucas’s mails about your… situation.” Chenle begins as he sinks down, Jisung stands awkwardly by the entrance—only moving to sit across Chenle when Donghyuck gestures for him to.

“You’re an angel, Chenle. I hope this is good news.”

“Whether something is good or bad depends on your perspective, really.”

Fair point. But he’s not about to be lectured by an angel, in his own dominion—Hell. “Can we just get to the news part so you can scram? You’re scaring my assistant right here.”

A silent squeak of protests escapes Jisung when Chenle’s head snaps to look at him, head tilted to the side. “I’m not scared!” He says, waving his hand in front of his face dismissively.

Chenle smiles brightly, then turns to Donghyuck once again. “We found out what caused the error and the system has been undergoing maintenance ever since. Apparently, because you were previously mortal, your reincarnation has been long overdue.”

“But I renounced mortality thousands of years ago?” He asks, confused. “I did not go through excruciating pain just to become a mortal again, Chenle.”

“Yes, but! Mistakes happen! A mortal rising to such high command in Hell has never happened before so we had to update our system to accommodate those—your situation.” Chenle explains.

Donghyuck crosses his arms over his chest. “Why are you making it sound like it’s my fault—”

Chenle only shrugs. “Do you wanna hear the good news now?”

“Talk.”

“Because you hold such high position in Hell and have cemented your power, this reincarnation won’t affect your status as a demon. You’ll be reincarnated as a mortal human boy, but essentially, you’re still… Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck expects nothing less, of course. “So you’re telling me that I can kill myself and then I can go back?”

Visibly, Chenle becomes uncomfortable at the mention of Donghyuck killing himself. Jisung’s looks flit from Chenle to Donghyuck nervously. “Kidding,” he adds.

Chenle laughs awkwardly. “That’s not recommended but… humans always have the freedom of choice, it’s your decision to make.”

That’s always been the plan. Or at least, his plan. Lucas suggests Donghyuck enjoys the lifetime he gets as a human because what is some seventy years to the eternity Donghyuck will get to live? It’s just a little bump in the road.

But Donghyuck is repulsed at the thought of being human—being consumed with love and hatred and things like empathy—he can’t even wrap his head around the complex social structures humans have built for themselves to suffer. He went through that once and he never wanted to go back.

He’s had glances at what Earth is right now in preparation for his birth, and it appears to be worse than what he barely remembers.

He tries to coerce more details out of Chenle but the angel is full of resolve—damn these angels and their willingness to uphold everything that is right and moral. The only information of value he managed to get out of the angel is that he’s going to look the same.

Donghyuck quite likes his human form. He has red hair and tan skin with moles that litter its expanse. However, he’ll miss his natural form the most—the form where he’s able to yield the most power, his comfort.

When Chenle and Jisung exit (he overhears Chenle asking Jisung to show him around), Donghyuck transforms into his natural form and relaxes.

If he’s going to spend seventy years looking like a basic human adult, he might as well spend his remaining time in the form he loves the best.


	2. it's okay to be scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck feels a warmth run up his spine, the hair on his skin rises as he feels air ruffle the back of his hair. It’s a familiar, faraway feeling, but Donghyuck recognizes it—he welcomes it. He lets himself be engulfed in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied/reference domestic violence, but it's nothing graphic but still!!!

Childhood isn’t fun. It’s getting used to being human, it’s getting frustrated to learn how to walk on two legs instead of all fours—Donghyuck feels as if he’s regressing. His thoughts are far louder and far more complicated than what of a toddler his age should think about. He struggles with communication everyday, ends up crying at the end because he can’t express himself and it’s the only way his toddler human body can express anything at all. The only light at this tunnel is his older brother, Youngho.

He thinks he can tolerate it, because Youngho, despite being five years older, tries to play with him. Youngho tries to understand him, tries to teach him how to deal with the myriad of new human emotions he feels but—it’s not enough.

That’s when Lucas, finally, comes in.

“You’re late.” Is what he says when Lucas appears to him in the form of a child, with big ears and wide eyes and rosy cheeks. He doesn’t know if his parents can see Lucas, but they leave him alone to talk to him in the playground.

Lucas beams at him. “It got busy when you left. Had to deal with some things.”

He’s four years old now and Youngho is nine, his older brother is busy with grade school so he usually gets left alone with their mother. He doesn’t really remember much about their father. “Four years.” He tells Lucas, holding up for stubby fingers. “You were missing for four years!”

“Time is relative, Donghyuck. But I’m here now. What seems to be the problem?”

“Everything? I feel like shit!”

He doesn’t know how long he rants to Lucas about the troubles of being a four-year-old. He rants to him about not being able to express his feelings, for having the memory of a goldfish, for not being able to run and jump around properly. Before he knows it, the sun is setting and his mother is finally approaching him.

She kneels down at his level, that beautiful smile stretching her face. Donghyuck notices the pretty curves and lines of her façade as the sun sets. Somehow, for some reason, Donghyuck thinks she resembles him. “Who are you talking to, Donghyuck-ah?”

Donghyuck turns to Lucas excitedly, but his face falls when he doesn’t see him there.

Ah, he gets it.

“My friend.” He hears himself say in a meek voice.

“Oh?” She looks around but seems to understand. “Next time introduce me to your friend, okay?”

Donghyuck nods and stands up, opening his arms to fall straight into his mother’s embrace. He doesn’t know why he likes this, why he wants to give his mother a hug every time she’s near, but he doesn’t question it every time he feels the happiness it brings his mother. It radiates from her heart beats to his.

He can take being affectionate.

“Let’s go home now, okay? Your hyung will be coming home soon.”

At the mention of his brother coming home and the promise of a warm dinner, Donghyuck thinks this isn’t too bad. Maybe he can take a few more years of this—but the plan still stands.

He’ll end this mortality once he’s old enough to harm himself. It won’t be too hard, wouldn’t it?

 

 

He grows up with an imaginary friend named Lucas. That’s what his mother tells him. His childhood isn’t as hard when Lucas begins to help him out. He easily becomes better at speaking, becomes better at walking, and essentially, he becomes the best student at the local pre-school. He even begins to find his niche at singing. He’s really, really good at it.

Lucas tells him it’s his natural talent, but he still thinks it’s Lucas’ little magic that helped him get to where he is now. He knows that as long as he has Lucifer by his side, things will be alright.

He makes friends. Jaemin and Jeno are for some reason always tailing him. He doesn’t know when he starts to become gregarious, when everyone begins to pay attention to him the moment he’s inside the room. Always the center of the attention, always the crowd favorite. He thinks it’s his devilish charms, really. It’s always a plus.

But Jaemin and Jeno always stick by him, even if his jokes are over, even if he sometimes teases them to no end. They’re practically angels. And maybe, with his newfound friends, things will really be alright.

However, he learns that things aren’t always alright when he’s twelve.

He gets home from school, Youngho is in high school now and has basketball practice every after classes. They can’t go home together like they used to but it’s okay, Donghyuck has memorized the streets of their neighbourhood like the back of his hand. He doesn’t want to take away his brother’s social life.

He’s not that evil.

“Umma?” He asks, peeking his head inside the door as he removes his shoes. It’s oddly quiet.

The lights are out and his mother hasn’t started cooking. Usually, at this time of the hour, his mom has prepared snacks before he begins to do his homework. Donghyuck doesn’t like homework, all the questions are essentially basic to his intellect but he doesn’t despise the feeling of being the best student in class.

He prods around their living room, and then their kitchen. When he doesn’t immediately find his mother and hears faint sobbing from the master’s bedroom, Donghyuck’s heart begins to palpitate out of worry.

Worry. He hasn’t felt this when he was in Hell.

And then he hears the crashing of ceramic against the hard wall. The scream of his mother, and the yell of his father.

Donghyuck sees red.

“Umma!” Donghyuck runs inside his parents’ bedroom, slamming the door open and his eyes blow wide open at the sight of his father raising his fist at his mother.

Hatred. It burns deep inside him as he glares at his father. “Donghyuck, get out. Don’t disturb us.” His father’s voice is harsh when he speaks, it reminds Donghyuck a little bit of himself when he’s torturing souls.

Donghyuck wonders what it’d be like to torture the soul of his father. He stands between his parents, defiant. Donghyuck almost reminds himself of the Donghyuck that reigns over Hell. But now, instead of the sole purpose of punishing, he has the objective to protect. “Donghyuck… please… go hang out with your friends for a while.” His mother begs behind him, tugging on his backpack.

“No.” He says, eye contact with his father never faltering.

“Kid,” his father begins and takes a step forward to him. Donghyuck smells the stench of alcohol on his father and he spots the red lipstick stain on his collar. His mother never wears red lipstick.

Donghyuck raises his chin as his father continues, “you don’t want to be involved. Didn’t I raise you to learn how to respect your elders?”

Donghyuck holds his mother’s hand. “You didn’t raise me and I’m not letting you hurt my mother.”

He hears his mother’s faint sob but he doesn’t look her way. He’s afraid his resolve might falter if he sees her crying. “Donghyuck… please…”

“I’m giving you three seconds, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck shakes his head and the broken shards of the vase thrown at his mother begin to tremble at his feet. The light in the room flickers, but none of them notice.

“One,” his father counts, raising his hand.

Donghyuck feels a warmth run up his spine, the hair on his skin rises as he feels air ruffle the back of his hair. It’s a familiar, faraway feeling, but Donghyuck recognizes it—he welcomes it. He lets himself be engulfed in it.

His mother’s arms wrap around him, crying into his shoulder. He’s barely any taller than her, but he knows his mother needs his strength. Strength is what he has. Strength is what he provides. “Two.”

His father steps forward, a wicked smile plastered on his face. Donghyuck _despises_ how much he resembles Youngho. Because Youngho is his father’s complete opposite, he’s present when he’s absent, he fills in the gaps his father left, Youngho is kind— Youngho will never hurt them.

“Three!” The shards of the vase rise higher from the ground, they start to point at the direction of his father but before his father’s hand lands on him, the door behind them slams open. Youngho stands at the door, eyes wide.

“Enough!”

The shards fall back to the ground and Donghyuck feels his knees go weak as Youngho tackles their father to the floor. Their mother holds him… and then, he cries.

 

 

“You were really brave back there, Duckie.” Youngho tells him as he tucks their mother in bed. She suffered a few scratches and bruises from their father. Youngho has successfully sent him away for the night but Donghyuck knows he will be back. And when he does, Donghyuck wants to be ready.

“Do you know that he hurts mom?” Donghyuck asks meekly, sitting by the edge of the bed. Youngho sits next to him.

“Mom… didn’t want you to know.. sometimes he—takes it out on me… but I swore to him that I’d fight back if he dares hurt you.” Youngho’s voice is soft and warm. Donghyuck looks up at him, eyes watering. How could these humans love him this much? How could they protect him at the expense of their own safety?

Love. A concept he never understood, but now that he has his family—it’s a concept he’s learning to grasp.

He’s overwhelmed with emotions, with the regret of not knowing that his mother and brother are being hurt and with the knowledge that he still has remnants of his demonic capabilities. He’s only twelve, humanly—and the only way Donghyuck knows how to deal with these emotions… is to talk it out. It’s what Youngho taught him, after all.

“I’m scared—overwhelmed… I think…” He tells Youngho, voice as soft as possible. Lucas isn’t here, at least not yet, and Youngho is second best.

Youngho pulls him in. “It’s okay to be scared and overwhelmed.” Donghyuck rests his head against his brother’s chest, biting down his tears.

“How can you be so brave, hyung?” He asks, voice trembling.

Youngho’s laughter rumbles in his chest. “I have to be, Duckie.”

Donghyuck wishes he can tell Youngho about everything that’s been bothering him. But he knows it would do Youngho more harm than good if he knows of the supernatural, if he knows of what Donghyuck truly is. He’s his brother, Donghyuck has to protect him like he protects him.

“You’re brave too.” Youngho tells him, petting his head. “I hope our family situation doesn’t bother you in school.”

Youngho, who’s a part of the student council and the school’s basketball varsity, who’s always at the top of his class and the one who Donghyuck looks up to. If Youngho can remain to be positive despite all this, how can Donghyuck let him down?

It’s easy to be consumed with the hatred in his heart, but Youngho smiles at him and he knows it’s not hatred that continues to fuel Youngho. It’s love.

“Psh,” Donghyuck scoffs, sitting up straight and crossing his arms over his chest. “If he thinks he can affect me in any way, he’s absolutely wrong. I don’t even think of him as our father.”

His older brother laughs light-heartedly, puts him in a head lock and reminds him that after all that… he’s still their father, there should be a little love left for him.

Donghyuck doesn’t understand that. But he’ll try, he’ll really try.

 

 

He lets Lucas know about his discovery one day after class when Lucas finally appears to him. As always, Lucas mimics his age. Lucifer doesn’t look older than thirteen, but he already stands taller than Donghyuck and it annoys him to no end how Lucifer is still taller than him even in this form.

“So you still have… powers?” Lucas clarifies that afternoon. They’re in Donghyuck’s room and he’s supposed to meet Jeno and Jaemin in thirty minutes. But now that Lucas is here, he doubts he’ll go out to meet them.

“Yep,” his lips pop at the syllable, “but… it’s not as _strong_ as before, of course. I’m still mortal… I think I’m… spiritually, and like Chenle said, essentially, I’m still demon.”

Lucas is sitting by his desk, inspecting his school books. “Interesting. Maybe you can find a way to harness more energy and have a little fun?”

Donghyuck glares at him from his bed. “Are you suggesting that I wreak havoc on Earth? You know we can’t mess shit up—Kun would be furious.”

Lucas lets out a small laugh. “Since when did you start respecting Kun that much?”

The question makes Donghyuck pause. It’s funny how his family is Christian, and he isn’t at all unfamiliar to the way they practice their religion because their mother insists they go to church every Sunday. He doesn’t like it, because their interpretation of God and of Devil are all wrong. Lucas is both his friend and his boss, sure they torment the souls of mortals but he’s not that bad. If anything, it’s Kun that’s petty and a little bit sadistic. But he tolerates it, going to church makes his mother happy—respecting Kun— _God_ makes his mother happy.

It’s not a secret that he has considered joining the church choir, either.

“Mom’s a Christian.” Donghyuck says hesitantly and Lucas has that mischievous smile on his face. “So I don’t want to upset her, she’s already going through so much. Imagine learning your son’s a demon while going through divorce?”

“Is it hard?” Lucas asks him, his voice light and full of wonder. As if he’s genuinely curious, as if he wants to experience these human emotions too.

Donghyuck narrows his eyes at him. “What is?”

“You’re twelve, your parents are going through divorce, your brother’s graduating high school soon and you’re making new friends. Is it hard?”

If Donghyuck thinks about it, it’s _hard_. He worries about his mother everyday and makes sure to give her a tighter and a longer hug every morning before he leaves for school. He knows Youngho will be leaving for university soon so he tries to spend more time with him, pesters Youngho into teaching him how to play basketball even if he likes football more. It’s really going to be hard when Youngho leaves, but he has his own set of friends now too, he’s doing okay.

“A little bit,” he answers, “but I’m doing okay. I have Jaemin and Jeno, I have you.”

Lucas looks wistful for a moment, stares out of Donghyuck’s window with Donghyuck’s biology book perched open on his lap. He wonders what’s going through Lucas’ mind, he never lets Donghyuck read his thoughts. Lucas is far more powerful than he is, especially right now, there’s no way Donghyuck can try that.

“I see.” He says, closing Donghyuck’s book. “You won’t mind having another friend in your little gang, won’t you?”

Donghyuck sees the glint of black in Lucas’ otherwise very normal looking brown eyes. “Lucas,” he breathes, “what do you mean?”

Lucas looks at him, and then laughs. “Don’t worry, you won’t hate it.”

“I hate surprises.”

They engage in a stare-off and Donghyuck feels the familiar ruffle of air behind his neck again. And then, Lucas guffaws. “Just something I’m trying out.”

“I swear—”

“To god?”

“No! Don’t do anything stupid, Lucas.”

“I know what I’m doing.” Lucas says as he jumps out of Donghyuck’s desk. “You won’t hate it, I promise.”

The truth is, Lucas is far more intelligent than him, has seen more things than him and has experienced more things than him. Still, he likes to make himself believe that when it comes to being human, this is the only field where he has more experience in.

He knows Lucifer has something planned up his sleeves, but before Donghyuck can castigate him for answers, his mother calls for him downstairs. It’s Lucas’ queue to return to hell.

“I’ll see you in a while, Duckie.” Lucas teases him with the newfound nickname, a grin playing upon plump lips. Donghyuck rolls his eyes. If Lucas looked like his actual and regular human form, that smirk on his face can actually be threatening. But now that he looks like he’s barely a teenager, Donghyuck finds it hard to take him seriously.

For Lucas, _in a while_ can mean completely different things. It can range from a couple of minutes to a couple of years. He knows Lucas is busy, and he has no time to hang around in a teenager’s bedroom so he doesn’t hold it against him. Lucas tries his best to help him out (the divorce papers being approved immediately has been a quick work of none other than, his truly) so he doesn’t dare complain. This set-up is okay.

Despite having new friends (that are currently texting him to go down and meet them _already_ ), having Lucas around from time to time makes him feel rooted. In the pace that his human life is going, he’s actually grateful to have Lucas hold him back and remind him of what he truly is—to remind him of his _essence_.

And what’s a human life without a little, devilish fun?


	3. thing called hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humans are really weird.

What Lucas meant _in a while_ is a very long while. He hasn’t seen Lucas in more than a month so he’s not hoping he’d see him any time soon. Hope. A funny little word. A word that has humans tumbling down and bending over because they’re desperately clinging to _hope_. Donghyuck almost despises how he’s relearning all these human intricacies, discovering and exploring it from the inside out. At times, it messes him up in the head.

But he’s twelve. And twelve year olds don’t really think about things like this. More often than not, Donghyuck shrugs these thoughts off for the mean time and focuses on the more important things. Right now, he’s deciding if he should drop by the new bakery or just head home.

Usually, either Jaemin or Jeno (sometimes, rarely, Lucas) walks with him to school. But Jaemin has Hapkido training and Jeno recently got involved with Red Cross Youth so that keeps him busy after school. Donghyuck’s always been invited to join theatre or—or the _church_ choir to keep him busy but he’s always denied them.

He can’t afford to make more attachments when he only has six years left.

The answer to the question bouncing in his head comes in the form of a loving call from his mother. She tells him that she’s been craving some oatmeal cookies and asks him to buy some on the way home. Donghyuck takes the right turn to the bakery.

“Hi,” he greets once he gets inside the building. The aroma of freshly-baked bread hits his noses and Donghyuck takes a big inhale. There are multiple shelves and stands filled with loaves and other pastries. He has never been in a bakery this pretty, perhaps this is a place he’ll frequent in the future.

“Good afternoon and welcome to Moon Bakery! How may I help you?” He turns his attention from the different baked goods to the guy standing behind the counter. He’s older than him, if he gauges it correctly, then he’s either Youngho’s age or a little bit older.

Then, his aura hits Donghyuck. It makes the hair on the back of his head ruffle, and like all the times he has felt this sensation—Donghyuck ignores it. “Do you have oatmeal cookies?” He asks as he approaches the counter on his tippiest toes.

The bakery guy beams at him. “We sure do, how many do you want, little kid?”

Donghyuck tilts his head at him. There’s something about the way this guy smiles that feels odd to him, he can’t quite place it. Donghyuck shrugs his thoughts off and tries to remember what his mom taught him. “How much would a set be?”

For a twelve year old, Donghyuck knows how to fend for himself. He knows how to save up money, he knows how to order food—he’s pretty independent. His mother credits his independence to her, and while she’s a very lovely woman, Donghyuck knows that his independence stems from the fact that he has lived eons before this.

“A full set would be 10,000 won.” Bakery guy, Taeil (his nameplate says, Donghyuck has to squint to read this), says as he begins to pack him the cookies.

Donghyuck fishes his Iron Man wallet out of his backpack. He isn’t sure he has 10,000 won right now so he checks… and then gasps. “Oh no.”

Taeil quirks his brow at him, fingers pausing at the seal of the box. “Is anything wrong?”

He gathers the small amount of cash he has left in his wallet and sets it on the counter in between him and Taeil. “I only have 8,000 won…” He mumbles, suddenly embarrassed.

Embarrassment—this is definitely one of the things he despises the most about being human. The flushed cheeks, the beating heart, the feeling of wanting the ground to swallow you whole (except Donghyuck really, really wants that).

Taeil hums to himself for a moment, looks around and then turns back to Donghyuck. “It’s on the house then, just pay 8,000 won for the full set.”

Donghyuck raises a brow. “Why?”

Why would this absolute stranger be this nice to him? He can just give him half the set but he knows that his mother loves these cookies so much. He steps back from the counter, suspicious of the strange man’s kindness.

“Paying it forward.” Taeil tells him as he seals the box of cookies. “Someone gave me a really big tip today and you seem like you really want these oatmeal cookies.”

The furrow of Donghyuck’s brows deepens as his eyes flit from the box to Taeil. He wonders how Taeil can be so nice to him—even if he’s only a stranger, how Taeil can easily give him free things just because he thinks Donghyuck would like it.

The furrow on his brows doesn’t leave even as Taeil hands him his receipt and the cookies. “Have a nice day, come again soon!”

Humans are really weird.

But since that day, Donghyuck begins to frequent the bakery and Taeil becomes an unlikely friend.

 

 

He turned fourteen a week ago. The celebration had been nothing too exciting, his mom invited Jeno and Jaemin over and they played the video game Youngho gifted him after dinner. Youngho invited his friends, Taeyong, Yuta and, Ten who Donghyuck doesn’t really get along that well with but he tolerates them, because Youngho loves them.

Usually, at his every birthday, Yukhei comes and spends time with him. It’s some sort of tradition. The clock at his bedside drawer shows 11:59 PM. Donghyuck holds his breath.

He counts down the seconds, until they dissipate into the last minute of his fourteenth birthday. Yet, no Lucas.

Disappointment washes over him, but he remembers what Youngho told him—it’s important to look on the brighter side. And he remembers the brighter side, the cake Taeil gave him, Jaemin’s soccer ball gift, and the jean jacket Jeno gifted him. He also remembers the handmade sweater his mother gave him.

It’s a happy birthday, nonetheless.

 

The second semester starts in August, and Donghyuck has spent the past two months with radio silence from Lucas. He wonders what had happened, if he had done something wrong that completely disconnected him from the underworld, if this meant the end of his friendship with Lucas and he’s bound to spend the rest of his life mortal and then perish upon the fires of hell without his honor.  

He has also tried multiple times to redo the instance with his powers, but it seems that they only appear once he’s experiencing intense emotions. And lately, other than the time he feels immensely happy making fun of either Jeno and Jaemin, he hasn’t felt any intense emotions to power another outburst.

On the other side of the coin, the more Donghyuck feels disconnected with Lucas and the underworld, the more he feels connected to the humans that surround him, to the human in him. He spends more time with Jaemin and Jeno, they’ve been closer since. He realizes that Jeno and Jaemin are his best friends, and although they can be dumb and dumber at times, he loves them like he loves his family.

“Donghyuck,” Jaemin calls his name out, poking his cheek as he stares out of the classroom window. He’s uncharacteristically quiet, of course Jaemin would notice. “Did you know there’s a new student coming in today?”

This catches Donghyuck’s attention. “Who? Why do you know this information that’s suppressed from the rest of the school population?” He asks suspiciously, raising a brow at Jaemin who laughs at his face.

“You’re silly!” Jaemin squeezes his cheeks and Donghyuck pretends to bite his hand. If Donghyuck is affectionate, Jaemin is even more so—at times, he doesn’t know if it’s a joke or if Jaemin is actually in love with everyone he meets. “Everyone’s been talking about it! Jeno’s gonna be his tour guide!”

As if on cue, Jeno bursts inside their classroom with pamphlets in his arms. “It’s true.”

Jeno scatters the school pamphlets on Donghyuck’s table. Donghyuck doesn’t even know that they have this much pamphlets for school things. He picks one up, and opens it up to the map of their campus. “He’s coming in a few minutes, and I have to show him around.”

Donghyuck grins. “It’s so hard being the council’s puppy, isn’t it Jeno-ya?” He reaches out and pets Jeno under his chin, which Jeno, with burning ears, slaps away with a hand.

“What’s his name?” Donghyuck asks and Jeno procures a piece of paper from all the pamphlet mess on his desk.

Jeno reads from it. “Wong Yukhei, from Hong Kong. He only knows conversational Korean so I hope it won’t be too hard for me.”

Jaemin plucks the paper away from him, his big eyes blown even wider as he zeroes in on the new student’s photo. “Oh wow, he is cute.”

“Let me see,” Donghyuck reaches over and snatches the piece of paper easily from Jaemin. Donghyuck doesn’t think he’s ever found anyone cute—girl or boy, he just doesn’t have the interest in these kinds of things. But he knows Jaemin is into… well, everyone. He’s clueless when it comes to Jeno.

The face that meets his eyes makes Donghyuck scream.

“What the hell—are you okay?” Jaemin asks him, brows screwed together in worry and Jeno’s eyes are wide in shock at his reaction.

Donghyuck places his hand on his heart, it’s a little bit of an overreaction—but he doesn’t know how to feel. The boy in the picture is Lucas, disguised as a fifteen-year-old boy, with a clean haircut and big brown eyes.

“I’m good.” Donghyuck swallows. “There was just—a cockroach, on the paper—”

And that, makes Jaemin and Jeno scream.

 

Lucas—now known as Yukhei, is an instant celebrity. How can he not be when Lucas is the tallest boy in the whole middle school, with looks fit for a model even though he’s only fifteen? He’s a year older than Donghyuck is right now. And Donghyuck is absolutely pissed at him.

He manages to corner him after lunch, when Jeno and Jaemin have their club meetings that Donghyuck never bothered to go to. He promises to Jeno that he’ll show Lucas around and Lucas is helpless but to agree. So much for not speaking fluent Korean.

“You know, you’re the absolute worst, right?” Donghyuck begins when he gets him alone in the rooftop of their school building. Lucas is following suit right behind him. He might be Lucifer, he might be his boss, but right now—Donghyuck thinks he has all the rights to be pissed at Yukhei.

“Aw, c’mon. Don’t you like it? I’m your friend now too!” Lucas jokes, poking him from the back and Donghyuck swats his hand away, turning to face him. He absolutely abhors how he has to tip his head up to look him in the eye.

He inhales, crossing his arms over his chest before he releases. “If you’re here, who the fuck is managing Hell? Does Kun know about this? What were you doing all this time you were gone! You didn’t come on my fourteenth birthday!”

Lucas laughs at his freak out, putting his hands on his shoulders and shaking him a little. “Donghyuck! What has humanity made you? You became such an over-thinker, you were never like this!”

Donghyuck shoves him away but it does nothing to make Lucas move away from him. “Back there, I wasn’t human and we weren’t fucking up Kun’s laws. So of course, I’m laid-back. So come on, tell me the story now!”

Lucas steps back and walks over to the railing of the rooftop, leaning over it and gazing at the view of the whole campus with a wide smile. “It took a while before I perfected this trick, that’s why I’ve been silent and Hell’s been pretty busy, I tell you that. To put it simply, I’m not like you, I didn’t get reincarnated. I’m still me, but I take the form and identity of Wong Yukhei. So every time it’s time to go home after class, I go back to Hell, do my job and everything is in its order.”

“Kun, of course—he doesn’t know. But so what if he doesn’t? Where’s the fun in telling the authorities everything’s that going on? And he’s busy as is, he doesn’t care about what I do as long as Hell is in order and nothing is out of place.”

Theoretically, it sounds like a good plan. Lucas gets to work still and be with Donghyuck in the mortal world. But he wonders, if Lucas knows that with interacting with humans, comes being attached with them.

He walks up to him, settles himself on the spot next to Lucas and leans his elbows against the metal bars too. “And if they ask who’s your family? Where you’re from? What are you going to do?”

Lucas turns to look at him with a grin, a bit lopsided that showcases all his pearly whites. It reminds him of home, of when they would spend time together trying to freak out Jisung, when they would discuss the most efficient ways to inflict torture on the deserving souls. It’s a reminder of his roots, and Donghyuck suddenly thinks this isn’t such a bad idea.

“I’ve already created Yukhei’s backstory. And I won’t get attached. I promise.”

That’s a hard task, Donghyuck knows. He swears he won’t get attached, he swears he won’t feel deep emotions. But with being human comes their human attachments, Donghyuck loves his mom, his brother—even his friends who can be annoying at times. He loves them, and he wants to tell himself that they love him too.

“Sure, Lucas—or is it Yukhei now?” Donghyuck cocks a brow at him, grinning.

“Yukhei,” he responds, bumping shoulders with Donghyuck, “let’s grow up well together, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

It’s not surprising that Donghyuck’s mother and Youngho love Yukhei.

He brings Yukhei home one day after class, when he’s close enough with Jaemin and Jeno for it not to be suspicious how easily they got along. But Donghyuck has always been friendly, always the first one talking to people—it’s not surprising he befriends Yukhei easily.

At first, Jeno is suspicious—because it’s always just been _them_. Just Jaemin, Jeno and Donghyuck. But Yukhei fits in the picture easily, despite being in a higher year, he melds with their group well.

The meeting itself—has been a bit of a mess. Yukhei wanted to meet his family, wanted to give Donghyuck’s mom a hug and give Youngho an even bigger one for being there when he can’t be. So it happens, almost naturally.

But the thing is…

“Duckie! Is he your boyfriend?!” His mom pulls him to the side, when Yukhei and Youngho are talking in the living room about how Yukhei should join the basketball team because of his height. Yukhei doesn’t know much about basketball, but of course he says he will attend the try-outs.

His mom’s question makes his face flare up. “Umma!” He hisses, tugging her giggling mess inside the kitchen. “He’s just a friend! Oh no, please—don’t tell me that’s what you and hyung thought when I said my friend wanted to meet you…”

She giggles behind her hand. “Oh no! I’m so sorry, we thought—oh! So he’s really _just_ a friend!”

Donghyuck groans, runs his hands through his face as his mother takes out the dinner from the oven. “I’m only fourteen, umma!” He stomps his feet. “I haven’t even thought about that—I don’t—Yukhei, he’s really just a friend.”

She places the dinner on the counter and presses a kiss on top of Donghyuck’s head. “Okay, can you tap out and call Youngho over? He might start interrogating Yukhei because we both thought he’s your boyfriend.”

Donghyuck grumbles his way to the living room, telling Youngho that their mother needs him. Youngho makes a quick exit, throwing Yukhei a thumbs-up before he pats Donghyuck on the head on his way out.

“Youngho is really funny.” Yukhei tells him with a wide smile as he slumps on the couch next to him.

“Did he ask anything weird?” If anything is weird, it’s the situation Donghyuck has found himself in. He can’t believe that the humans he has lived with, the humans he calls his family are embarrassing him in front of Yukhei—Lucifer, the one that he has known longer, the one that truly knows who he is.

It’s all… very mind-boggling.

“Nothing, no. He keeps saying he really likes me and he’s glad I found you, or something? I think I might be joining the basketball varsity too.”

Donghyuck groans into his hands.

 

That dinner at Donghyuck is followed by many more. Eventually, Yukhei gets accepted into the basketball team so at this point—even if it has only been a month of his family knowing Yukhei, it seems that he has been a long part of the family.

Sometimes, he slips and calls him Lucas and his mother fondly retells the story of Donghyuck’s imaginary friend, Lucas. Yukhei muses her.

It’s nice, really. Because Yukhei can finally interact with his family and he never has to hide in his room again whenever he wants to talk to Yukhei to keep himself rooted. His amplified luck due to Yukhei’s help hasn’t changed though, he still aces exams with minimal effort, still gets the perfect grades for oral reports and is generally a good student above everything else. His mother’s job is paying well, and Youngho gets the acceptance letter from his dream university.

However, it seems that Yukhei’s presence doesn’t bring him all good things.

“Hyuck,” Jaemin finds him alone after class dismissal. Yukhei has basketball training with Youngho, so he’s going to wait for them today before going home together. It has been some sort of routine.

Donghyuck’s in the middle of gathering his things. “Yeah?”

Jaemin doesn’t speak immediately, and it makes Donghyuck look up. He hasn’t even noticed that Jeno is right behind Jaemin. Jeno is usually quieter, speaks his thoughts through Jaemin. He asks again when Jaemin doesn’t speak. “What’s going on?”

“We know you really like Yukhei—and your brother really likes him too… And like, it’s fine! To have other friends than us—we’re happy you’re happy, and you obviously love spending time with him—but just… we miss you, you know?”

It hits him.

There’s tremble in Jaemin’s voice, where honey and cheerfulness used to reside. Jeno can’t even look at him, focuses instead on the spot above his head. He has been neglecting his friends in favour of Yukhei, and although he wants to think that’s not the case—it’s what he’s made Jaemin and Jeno feel.

Donghyuck’s lips tremble as he speaks. “Am I a bad friend?” He often wishes he isn’t so emotional. But he’s fourteen and fragile.

Jaemin shakes his head. “You’re not, Hyuck. We just… miss you, you know? We like Yukhei too and we’re his friends too… we just wish that you aren’t so… exclusive sometimes.”

Donghyuck doesn’t know where Jaemin gets his big words from like _exclusive_ , but Donghyuck nods in full understanding. He wishes he can tell them the truth, tell them why Yukhei is this close to him—tell them who he really is. But it will make things more complicated than they need to be.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles, the syllables not unfamiliar to his tongue. He has apologized to his friends countless times before, he wonders if it has lost its gravity due to the amount of times Donghyuck has overused it again and again. “It won’t happen again.”

This time, it’s Jeno that steps forward. “You promise that?”

Donghyuck looks at Jeno, then at Jaemin, then surges forward to slam his body against the two of them into a bone-crushing hug. “I promise! And I’m sorry! Let’s walk home together today okay? Like the old times?”

Jaemin tickles him and Jeno follows in record time. Donghyuck tries to swat them away but Jaemin ends up doing a bit of damage on him, leaving Donghyuck to be a giggling mess on the floor. “You guys are so mean!”

Jeno holds out a hand to him, all eye smiles and pretty teeth. “Come on, let’s go home.”

 

His social life falls into place eventually. Yukhei has infiltrated his friend group, made his permanent spot in their lunch table and walks home with them everyday after class. Jeno ropes Yukhei into interesting talks about the Red Cross Youth and the Student Council while Jaemin has been trying to get Yukhei switch to Hapkido.

It’s all very weird, seeing Jaemin and Jeno latch onto Yukhei so easily.

While it’s all good now, he wonders what would happen in the future—Jaemin and Jeno are attached to Yukhei now, and so is Youngho and their mother. He hopes, even though _hope_ itself is a silly little thing—he still finds himself hoping that none of their hearts would break when it all comes crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we meet taeil!! he'll play a bigger role, i promise
> 
> angst town next chapter!! he's a teenager, he has an emo phase 
> 
> cc: [xuxikr](https://curiouscat.me/xuxikr)  
> twt: [@renduckie](https://twitter.com/renduckie)


	4. we'll be okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck joins choir.

He’s fifteen when Youngho tells him he’s going to college.

When people tell him or ask him about Youngho going to college, it doesn’t really affect him that much because at fifteen, he doesn’t know where this college is, how far away it is from home. He knows that Youngho is going to college, because he’s smart and deserves the best education.

One day, Youngho sits him down in the living room, with their mother’s best cookies set out in front of him.

“What’s up, hyung?” He asks, laying back on his side of the couch with a piece of cookie in his mouth. “Umma made her special cookies, is something wrong?”

He’s acting cool, but Donghyuck is inwardly preparing himself for the worst.

Youngho reaches out and pats him on the bed, messes his hair up and Donghyuck whines as he tries to fight him away. “You’ve grown up so much, I didn’t even notice.”

He hates when Youngho gets sappy, because it always ends up with Donghyuck in tears. He wants to think that he has grown up to be less emotional, but when it comes to family, he doesn’t know why he can’t seem to stop the waterworks.

“You know I got accepted to my dream university, right?” Youngho tells him, slow and kind. He tries to avoid eye contact, but Youngho is looking at him with the kindest eyes he can’t help but look up.

Donghyuck already doesn’t like where this conversation is going.

He nods, anyway. “Of course I know that… that’s like, a semester ago?”

Youngho nods too. “Yes well… I should have told you this sooner, and I’m sorry I’m only telling you this now—that university… it’s, it’s in Chicago.”

Dread begins to settle at the pit of Donghyuck’s stomach, it begins like the soft crashing of waves against the hull of a ship, until Youngho speaks his next words. “After graduation, I’ll be moving to Chicago to study. You know where Chicago is, don’t you?”

The feeling in his stomach becomes a tidal wave, overwhelms him until he’s drowning in it. The realization is sinking in—he has to live the next four years of his life without Youngho. In four years, he will be 19, in four years he’ll be in university too. It will never be the same.

“Duckie,” Youngho calls out to him, Donghyuck doesn’t even realize he’s crying.

“It’s fine, hyung.” He hears his voice crack, wipes the tears streaming down his face with the back of his hand. “It’s fine, I understand. You have dreams and—and being here won’t make them come true.” Donghyuck’s voice breaks at the end of his words, sobs becoming heavier.

Youngho scoots forward to reach out to him, but Donghyuck is already bolting up to his room to forget they ever talked about it.

The stairs quiver with every step he takes, the lights in the living room begin to flicker but Donghyuck doesn’t see the surprise in Youngho’s face as he’s too busy crying.

When he goes to his room and shuts his door, the light of his lamp bursts as he buries himself inside his sheets.

There’s warmth inside Donghyuck, and not the kind of nice of warmth, it scorches his skin like how the tears on his cheeks do—it’s the kind of warmth that transcends into fire, something akin to the fiery pits of Hell.

 

He hasn’t talked to Youngho in two days. He doesn’t wait for them to finish training anymore, and although Jeno and Jaemin have been worried sick about him—he still doesn’t tell them anything.

He feels bad, for not talking to Youngho, for being mad—for being resentful to his own brother. Youngho has been nothing but lovely to him, half of the person he is now is because of Youngho.

But Youngho should have told him sooner, should’ve told him that he doesn’t like living in Korea and now wants to migrate half-way across the world.

Donghyuck is sitting by the bus stop after school, cracking his knuckles as he kicks his feet against the concrete.

“You’re upset.” Yukhei puts down a cookie on his lap, this one’s right from Taeil’s bakery and he looks up at the intruder. Yukhei has grown taller now, his hair a bit longer and he finally has incorporated styling into his routine. Yukhei fits being a teenage boy, Donghyuck thinks.

With a low grumble from his throat, Donghyuck accepts the cookie and stuffs it in his mouth. “Isn’t it obvious? Why are you here anyway, don’t you have practice?”

“I am here to help you out, first and foremost, remember?” Yukhei takes the spot next to him, slots an arm over his shoulder and Donghyuck’s head finds purchase on Yukhei’s shoulder.

“You’re lucky you don’t feel these stupid human emotions.” Donghyuck groans. “Did you know he’s migrating to the States? Listen, the last time I was there—Abraham Lincoln was my friend.”

Donghyuck, back in his previous life, had the penchant for observing historical events unfold right before his very eyes. The devil on one’s shoulder, as humans say.

“You want me to do something about him going to the States? Revoke his acceptance?” Yukhei offers, looking at him with a small smile. Donghyuck knows that Yukhei is fully capable of changing the fate of people—fully capable of changing the course of their lives. For a split second, Donghyuck considers it.

He decides against it in the end. “No,” he shakes his head, “don’t do that, he’d be devastated.”

The last time Donghyuck saw Youngho devastated was when Ten had rejected his confession. Offered to remain friends but of course Youngho—who has loved Ten for years, had trouble taking the rejection well. But it’s Youngho, and he’s the one full of love—the one who taught Donghyuck how to love others. He has learned to get over Ten, and they’re friends again, much to Donghyuck’s chagrin.

How can someone be friends with a person that hurt them? Donghyuck still doesn’t understand.

But perhaps, he’s starting to.

“So what do you want to do?” Yukhei asks him as the bus arrives. They aboard the bus and find their seats at the rear end.

Donghyuck sits by the window, hugging his backpack close to his chest as he ponders it over. He knows what he wants to do, the only problem lies in doing it.

“Give me some time.”

“You have all the time, Duckie.”

 

With his after class time being dedicated to watching the team practice basketball so he can wait for Youngho to go home, not waiting for Youngho after class has forced Donghyuck to make alterations to his routine.

Now, here is where he spends his afternoons.

“Donghyuck, pass me the baguettes.” Taeil asks him from the shelf, and Donghyuck makes his way to the kitchen to where Taeil is. It’s not a busy afternoon, and somehow, Donghyuck has found a little part-time job at Taeil’s bakery. Taeil doesn’t really pay him—not yet, but gives him cookies and pastries every time he goes home.

Taeil stashes the baguettes in the shelves and Donghyuck finds his seat behind the counter again. He’s thankful Taeil has taken him in, because he doesn’t know where else to go without encountering Youngho.

“You know,” Taeil comes up behind the counter, fiddling with the register as he speaks, “you can find something better to do than hang around in my bakery.”

Donghyuck kicks his feet up, leaning back on his chair. “Hyung!” He whines, feigning hurt. “Is this your way of saying you’re tired of me?”

Taeil laughs and shakes his head. “If I’m tired of you, you wouldn’t be able to step foot inside this building.”

It’s true though, Taeil might look a little soft—but he’s tough when he needs to be. “Remember the choir group I told you about? Why don’t you join that? Since you obviously have so much free time.”

Donghyuck groans. Here they go again, Taeil and a bunch of other people have always been pestering him to join the choir. He regrets volunteering for school performances sometimes.

“I hear you groaning.” Taeil says and tosses him a muffin. Donghyuck catches it, bites into it as he thinks.

“Why don’t you just try? It may be good, you can meet new friends then. Your mom would be happy if you join the choir.”

Taeil’s not wrong. His mom, who’s a devout Christian would absolutely love it if he joins the choir. She’s the first one to encourage him, after all. He doesn’t have anything to do in his spare time anyway, and he’s getting tired of Jeno and Jaemin talking about their extra-curricular activities and him not contributing anything to the conversation.

“Okay.” Donghyuck says, mouthful of blueberry muffin.

Taeil turns to him with a smile. “Really? You’ll go?”

He takes another bite and speaks through a chunk of muffin. “Yeah! Could be fun.”

 

Choir isn’t as bad as he thinks it’d be. It’s not full of crazy religious kids, but instead, he meets people he might even call his newfound friends. Taeil helps out in teaching the choir kids some days, but the person that handles the choir is Baekhyun, who’s in college and generally exudes the classical church oppa vibe.

Donghyuck finds out that he’s _really_ really good at singing. The notes he’s hitting are supposed to be hard for a newbie, because compared to the others—he has no experience whatsoever. But Donghyuck’s innate skills quickly brings him to the front.

There’s a kid named Xiaojun in the choir, another tenor, who quickly befriends him over their similar music tastes. Donghyuck’s music taste is mostly because of Youngho, who likes pop and R&B. It’s similar for Xiaojun, and they often spend the break time listening to Jason Mraz and Bruno Mars together.

Even if Jason Mraz and Bruno Mars remind him of Youngho, he still likes them.

Donghyuck’s first performance with the choir is in the next Sunday. He tells this to his mother, who happily kisses him on the cheek and tells him that she’s so proud of him. Hesitantly, Donghyuck informs Youngho of this as they tend to their small garden.

He knows Youngho is smiling, even though he’s looking at their aloe plant instead of him—because he hears the smile in Youngho’s voice as his older brother pulls him into a headlock and tells him that he’s proud of him, that he’s always known that he can do it.

And maybe, just maybe—Donghyuck misses Youngho. He can’t bring himself to express that yet. Not yet.

“Are you nervous?” Xiaojun asks him. The church is empty, there’s still an hour before today’s first Sunday mass. They’re all dressed in a similar white ensemble, and Donghyuck feels a little bit sacrilegious in this get-up. He’s a _demon_ , he shouldn’t even be _here—_ singing praises for a God he’s had multiple tiffs with because of his sheer mischief. Kun would laugh at his face if he learns he’s singing praise songs to him.

Nervous. Donghyuck’s never nervous. Except for when Jisung told him that he’s going to be reincarnated. “Not really, no.” He inhales and his eyes catch the way the candle lights decorating the altar flicker with every breath he takes. Huh.

If there’s something odd in the air, Xiaojun doesn’t notice it. “It’s okay to be nervous, you know.” He claps a hand on his back, and then squeezes.

Donghyuck is about to respond, but Taeil and Baekhyun enter the room and his face lights up at the sight of the older. “Everyone, one more rehearsal and we’re go!” Baekhyun announces.

Taeil watches him with proud eyes as he sings, to Kun, to God—the songs are weird on his tongue, it makes him light up with fire inside him. It’s like his love for singing and his innate composition are fighting—as if everything is going against nature’s laws.

But he sings, he sings his heart out and Taeil claps for him when it’s over.

Donghyuck has never been happier to follow Taeil’s words.

The crowd begins to surge in as they finish their rehearsal. And Donghyuck’s chest almost bursts at the sight of familiar faces. His mother is in attendance, and as well as Youngho who brought his camera with him. Next to them, are Jeno and Jaemin who have never really been religious but are dressed in their Sunday’s best. Perhaps the most surprising presence is Yukhei himself.

Donghyuck laughs behind his hand when Yukhei fumbles around, head snapping left and right to take in the sight of religious artefacts in front of him. There’s a quite graphic statue of the Devil being killed by the angel Michael at the side of the altar and Yukhei frowns at it naturally.

He hasn’t been present when that event occurred, but he’s sure as hell that Yukhei still hasn’t moved on from that embarrassment.

It’s a good thing that the movies aren’t correct about demons getting dusted once inside a church, because wow— _that_ would be a scene. Yukhei acts appropriately though, talking in hushed whispers with Jeno and Jaemin as he asks about the statues and paintings in the church.

Donghyuck laughs to himself, biting down his smile as Yukhei struggles to grasp the god-awful portrayals of himself.

Other than his friends and family, the only familiar faces are the old women that used to fawn over him when he was a child, other than that—complete strangers. But there’s this one kid, with flat hair that sticks to his head, prominent cheekbones, gap teeth and almond eyes that stare at him from the pew.

Donghyuck tries not to look, tries not to let the piercing gaze get through him but the feeling gets so, _so_ annoying that he stares back at him, gaze hard.

Like opposite poles meeting, the strange kid darts his gaze away from Donghyuck when Donghyuck glares at him.

He’s nothing spectacular, and Donghyuck believes he’s never met him before. But he’s dressed in his Sunday’s best and he’s fiddling with the sleeves of his coat. He wonders why he’s staring, if he sees the horns on Donghyuck’s head, or if he knows that he doesn’t belong in here.

The priest and sacristans enter before he can dwell on it. The bells ring, the piano sounds and the choir begins to sing.

 

After church, their mother makes them do house chores.

Donghyuck is still not in normal speaking terms with Youngho, but he’s professional, and he does what he’s told diligently. He has to change the curtains in the living room while Youngho does the heavy lifting.

Earlier, Youngho tried to show him the photographs of Donghyuck he took during his church performance, but Donghyuck excuses himself in the name of his friends.

But now, he’s stuck with Youngho for hours until the house is pristine.

This is the longest he hasn’t talked to Youngho, and being Donghyuck, being the talkative Donghyuck that can’t shut up about his day—it’s hard not getting to tell his brother about the annoying thing that Jaemin did that day or about Jeno’s breakdowns about his student council tasks. It’s hard not being able to tell Youngho about his favorite anime having a second season today, it’s hard not being able to tell his brother that he was so nervous before performing he thought he might throw up.

It’s hard being prideful.

He’s standing on the couch to change the curtains by the windows, but being fifteen and barely 5’5”, it proves to be quite the challenge.

“Need help there, buddy?”

Donghyuck groans, stands on his tiptoes before he ultimately gives up and looks at Youngho half-heartedly. “Kinda.”

It’s easy, the way Youngho sits down on the floor and the way Donghyuck gets on his shoulders. Just like when he was younger. It’s a routine. They already know this like the back of their hands. At this height, Donghyuck should feel afraid—terrified, but there’s nothing like that in his chest except from the overwhelming feeling of being safe yet… anguished.

Youngho has a safe grip on him, and Donghyuck reaches out to change the curtains. They don’t speak, not yet.

“You did great out there.” Youngho begins but Donghyuck only continues his task. “I always knew you could sing like a champion. We should get you to audition or something—”

Donghyuck snorts at that. “I don’t like idols.”

“Hey, what’s the stigma? I think they’re pretty neat.”

It’s too sad that Donghyuck has seen enough idols in Hell to know that it’s not all glitz and glamour. He can’t tell Youngho this, though. “I don’t like idols because they leave home at a young age.” Donghyuck’s done with this curtain now, so Youngho moves to the next window, holding Donghyuck steady.

“And—I don’t think I can leave home that easily.” He’s talking about something else now, that Youngho very much knows.

“Duckie,” his brother calls out to him, and Donghyuck yet again fights the tears. Stupid eyes and its stupid unlimited amount of tears. “I won’t leave forever.”

“You’re just saying that.” He bites back, a beat too quick. “But then you’ll forget about home, you’ll forget about us—you’ll find a job in Chicago, you’ll have a family—you’ll grow up.”

“Duckie, you know that’s not true.” Youngho insists and Donghyuck demands to be set down.

“If I let you down, promise you won’t run? Promise you’ll listen to hyung?”

“It’s not like I have any choice!”

Youngho crouches down and Donghyuck hops off of him, hugging his mother’s curtains like a safety blanket. “Okay, well… speak. I’m listening!”

His older brother sits on the couch and pats the space next to him. Donghyuck obeys.

“I got a scholarship in that university through basketball, it’s all expense paid—my tuition, lodging, they even gave me an allowance every month. As long as I play well and as long as I can keep up my grades, I can have free education.”

Donghyuck listens to him, opens his ears and his heart follows suit. Donghyuck knows it’s the best offer Youngho can ever have, and he doesn’t want to take this away from him.

“Of course… I thought about it for a long time, I’d be away from home, from you guys for four years—but that also meant mom doesn’t have to worry about sending me to school, you know?”

Youngho who’s always been selfless, Youngho who’s willing to suffer homesickness just to make it through—just to make it out.

“I know…” Donghyuck mumbles, looking at his hands. He has never felt more ashamed to feel emotions than he is now.

“And… I understand that you’re upset, that’s completely valid, Duckie. I understand that you may hate me now, but I promise—I promise I’ll come back, I promise I’ll keep in touch. How can I make a home out of Chicago when home is where my family is?”

He has no reason to not trust Youngho, he has no reason to not believe him. Donghyuck finally looks up at him, wills his tears to retract into his eyelids and holds out his pinkie to swear the promise. “You promise?”

Youngho’s smile makes his cheek bunch up to his eyes, and then, he locks their pinkies together. “I promise.”

In no time at all, Donghyuck is flinging himself at Youngho, arms around his brother’s neck and Youngho catches him like instinct.

“You can go. I’ll be sad, but I’ll do my best and take care of mom. Don’t worry about us, hyung. We’ll be okay, I’ll be okay.”

Youngho kisses the top of his head. “I know you will be, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever known, Duckie.”

 

Youngho’s graduation comes sooner than he has expected.

Youngho, Taeyong and Yuta are graduating together. Ten is younger than them and Donghyuck pretends he didn’t catch Ten sobbing into Youngho’s chest behind the bleachers just before the ceremony starts.

He doesn’t really like Ten, because Ten doesn’t let him push him around, because Ten broke Youngho’s heart a few summers ago but here he is now—sobbing into Youngho’s chest. He makes a mental note to ask Youngho about it.

Donghyuck doesn’t cry during the ceremony, because the rest of the school population are already crying over the loss of their greatest basketball captain. Donghyuck has always known that Youngho is popular, that wherever he goes, he is loved and will be loved.

Especially since he has Yukhei on his side now too. Donghyuck informs Yukhei that he wants Youngho to be happy and to be successful, no matter and whatever it takes. Not a day later, Youngho gets informed that he got a whole dorm room to himself, his roomate suddenly dropping out. 

His mother is next to him, with Youngho’s camera held firmly in her hands. She’s been taking frantic pictures throughout the ceremony.

When Youngho finds them among the crowd, Youngho accepts his congratulatory bouquet of flowers and hauls Donghyuck up on his shoulders.

Their mother laughs and snaps a photo of them just like that, Donghyuck on Youngho’s shoulders, laughing with their eyes up in crescents—immortalized mirth upon the photograph.

When Youngho leaves for Chicago, this photograph hangs framed in the living room wall. Donghyuck looks at it sometimes when he leaves the house, and he’s filled with nothing but fond memories.

If there’s something Youngho is good at, it’s keeping his promises.

Donghyuck has only known about blood-oaths and unbreakable vows, but Youngho’s pinkie swear holds the same amount of gravity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay brotherhood?


	5. my first kiss went a little like this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin has his first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! there's underage drinking in this, and they're teenagers that kiss so!!! that's that, they just smooch n nothing more...
> 
> i dont think i mentioned it explicitly in this chapter but nominhyuck are 16 and yukhei's human form is 17 ^^

High school is weird.

In the past human life he has lived, Donghyuck doesn’t remember going to high school. In fact, he doesn’t remember anything at all—but nothing in his life has ever felt more foreign than high school.

Jeno and Jaemin are both an inch taller than him now, Yukhei is even taller than the rest of them. Donghyuck’s still a little lanky, but dresses better and is generally more popular now. Perhaps he’s popular by association because of Yukhei, but he’s not so bad himself. He knows he’s popular, because he’s not unfamiliar to letters slipped inside his locker.

He reads them, sometimes—all expressing desires to _date_ him but Donghyuck doesn’t want to date, doesn’t want to have another person attached to him because now he’s sixteen, and he’ll end all this at eighteen. He misses Hell, he truly does.

Don’t get him wrong, coming home to his mother’s cooking after school is great, hanging out with Jeno and Jaemin and playing in the arcade is great, but this isn’t where he belongs. Hell is where he belongs, Hell where he supervises the tormenting of souls is where he belongs. He misses his horns, misses his tail and misses his nails that dig effortlessly into skin.

All of his human attachments are temporary, but Hell… that’s forever.

If his friends are temporary, dating is even more so.

“Where’s Jaemin?” He asks when he meets Jeno on a Saturday afternoon. Saturdays are arcade days, the three of them (sometimes with Yukhei, if he isn’t busy) have always spent this day together in the past years they’ve been friends. Jaemin, has almost never missed a Saturday.

Jeno has a frown on his face. “You didn’t know? He cancelled last minute. Check your phone.”

“What?” Cancelling on them last minute is very unlike Jaemin, but Donghyuck checks his phone and sees that Jaemin indeed cancelled on them. “Wow.”

“Do you know why he cancelled?” Donghyuck asks as he slips his phone back inside his backpack, walking in sync with Jeno to the arcade.

Jeno grumbles. “I heard Miri asked him out yesterday—and he said yes.”

Donghyuck couldn’t help the betrayed laughter. “He really exchanged us for what…?”

“But he likes her. I bet they even _kissed._ ”

“Gross. Jaemin has cooties now.”

Jeno is obviously upset over Jaemin bailing on them, and he makes a mental note to talk about this to Jaemin later. Jeno, even through the years, is still isn’t as good when it comes to expressing his feelings.

Donghyuck puts an arm around Jeno’s shoulders, tugging him close and pinching his cheek with the nearest hand. “C’mon! So it’s a you and me date today! If Jaemin has a date, then we have a date too!”

Jeno, as cold as he looks from the exterior, has a soft heart in his core. It doesn’t take much before he’s trying to pry Donghuck’s hand away from his face with his signature Jeno smile.

He likes spending time with Jeno, even with just them together—they meld in a unique way that’s different from his friendships with Yukhei and Jaemin. He makes fun of Jeno sometimes, but Jeno is always so kind to him he can’t help but apologize in forms of kisses and hugs right after.

If he thinks about it, Jeno’s popular too, and he wonders why he’s never said yes to any of the girls asking him out on dates.

They sit on a bench by the arcade as they get ice cream after playing games, the sun is setting over the city now and it paints a pretty picture of soft oranges and warm reds. Jeno’s next to him, struggling with his cone of vanilla ice cream and Donghyuck’s enjoying his mint chocolate chip.

“Jeno,” Donghyuck calls out to him, and Jeno looks at him mid-lick. The ice cream’s dripping down to his hand now, it’s a little bit gross and Donghyuck grimaces at the sight of Jeno sucking on his fingers. What a child.

“Mhm?”

“Why’d you never say yes to the girls asking you out on dates?” 

Obviously flustered, Jeno almost drops his ice cream and Donghyuck laughs at the shock on his face. “Why would you ask that!”

Donghyuck shrugs. “I dunno… just curious, I guess. You’re kinda popular for being cold and heartless, you know.”

There’s a hint of a pout in Jeno’s lips. “I’m not cold and heartless.”

Donghyuck knows that, and he defends Jeno’s honor whenever he can. No one speaks bad about his friends in front of him, but he can’t always control what people say. Humans can be real stupid at times. “I know that—and you know I would fight for your honor, Lee Jeno.”

Jeno’s focused on his ice cream still. “Wanna know the truth?”

Now, this puts Donghyuck at the edge of his seat. Jeno has never been secretive, sure he’s quiet—but Jeno doesn’t do anything other than his Red Cross Youth duties and Student Council duties. Jeno is also notoriously known for staying up late playing games but as far as he knows—Jeno doesn’t have secrets.

But secrets are secrets, after all.

“What truth? You’re a serial killer? A secret agent?”

Jeno laughs, shaking his head. He’s still not looking at Donghyuck. “I haven’t told this to anyone… because it’s like… weird, you know? And I’ve been thinking about this for a while—but… I… well, yeah—I don’t uh… I don’t like girls.”

The information reaches Donghyuck in short waves, as realization hits him. It clicks, somehow. “That’s cool.” Donghyuck responds with a nonchalant shrug, throwing his arm over Jeno again. “I don’t know what I like, so I can’t tell you something as big as that—but I’m glad you told me something you haven’t told anyone.”

Relief obviously washes over Jeno as he erupts into giggles, head falling back against Donghyuck’s arm. “You don’t think it’s weird? That I don’t like girls?”

“I think it’s weirder that I assumed you like girls.”

He wonders why Jeno thought he would think it’s weird, when it has always been an open secret that Youngho likes both boys and girls. If anything, his family’s probably expecting him to come home with a boyfriend with how they acted around Yukhei the first time.

In addition, he’s not new to this, the concept of sexuality has always been discussed and acted upon openly especially in Hell. _Lust_ is one of the seven cardinal sins, after all. And he has had his fair share of demonic partners, none of them quite human so the translation isn’t as clear.

But he understands it.

“Can you not tell Jaemin? I wanna tell him myself.”

Donghyuck nudges Jeno with his leg. “Dude, it’s not my secret to tell.”

“Thanks, Hyuck.”

 

“Ugh, I wanna do that too.” Donghyuck whines as he pokes at Yukhei’s protruding horns with the end of his bendy ruler. “I miss that form.”

They’re in his room now, and without Youngho to accidentally walk in, Yukhei is free to hang around his natural form. Yukhei is tall, about seven feet with red skin and black nails. His horns curl around his head, but he still has the wide eyes and the clean cut.

“Sucks to be you.” Yukhei teases and Donghyuck swats him with his ruler. Yukhei vaporizes it to thin air.

“Donghyuck, didn’t we talk about that last time? You having powers?”

Donghyuck doesn’t remember when’s the last time he felt something intense but the only thing that comes to mind is when Youngho told him he’s moving to Chicago. He remembers lights flickering and his lamp exploding. “Yeah, what about it?”

“Why have you never done anything with it?”

“Huh?” Donghyuck sits up properly now. “You really want me to like… have demonic powers in this little kid body?”

“No, I’m just saying… if you can harness it enough, if you can train it enough, maybe you can use it to your own advantage? I don’t see any downsides to having your old powers, although weaker.”

Donghyuck plops on his bed, the image of Yukhei in his demon form giving him comfort. He wonders how it’d feel, the relief—to finally bask in that form again. He’s a little bit jealous. “But it only happens when I feel intense emotions.” He says, pushing himself up to look at Yukhei. “I don’t like feeling intense emotions.”

Intense _negative_ emotions at that. He has felt happiness before, but he’s never witnessed his powers appearing every time he’s immensely happy, it’s always when he’s sad, when he’s angry, when he’s anxious. Perhaps it’s because his powers are associated with hell, hence only the deepest, ugliest emotions can bring it out of him.

“Maybe there’s another way.” Yukhei regresses back to his human form, and it’s not really the best sight to behold. His horns shrink back into his skull, nails retracting into his nailbeds, and the red of his skin going back to his warm tan. He’s shirtless, to top all that. A seventeen-year-old’s shirt doesn’t fit a seven-foot demon, after all. “Maybe there’s another way you can make it come out?”

He thinks about it, wonders what can be done for him to fully utilize the magic that’s been resting dormant inside of him. But he comes up with nothing. “Well, you’re the more experienced one. Tell me things I don’t know!”

Yukhei grabs the shirt he discarded before turning into his natural form and walks over to Donghyuck on his bed. “In my defense, you’re the first case of a demon being reincarnated as a mortal. If I know something, I would’ve told you. I’m as lost as you are.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, you’re Lucifer. You should know everything!”

“First, that’s irrational. Second, the only all-knowing entity in existence is Kun and he hasn’t talked to me in years other than our correspondence through Chenle’s delivery service. And third, I’m Lucifer—I know things about the underworld, about Hell, about everything dark and sinister but you mix all that with Humanity, then I’m afraid I’m also a little bit lost.”

Donghyuck sits up now as Yukhei takes the spot next to him. “If Kun’s all-knowing, does that mean he knows you’re Yukhei? Oh boy—you’re gonna get in trouble.”

“Dear Donghyuck, I have been Yukhei for two years and I haven’t gotten in trouble. You should give me more credit than you’re giving me right now.”

He’s correct though, and Donghyuck can’t argue with facts. Yukhei is good with being the King of Hell—if Donghyuck is mischievous then Yukhei is even more so.

Yukhei slips on his shirt. “There’s a party at Hyejoo’s tonight, you gonna come or no?”

“If I can invite Jeno and Jaemin, then I will.”

“Sure, it’s not my party anyway.”

 

Donghyuck has a love-hate relationship with parties. Ever since Youngho threw one at their house when he’s fourteen and saw multiple people belching their intestines in their bathroom and people having sex in Youngho’s room… he’s never been the same since. He likes it because it’s fun, in some odd sense, reminds him of the mess that is Hell—but that experience from when he’s fourteen has given him a weird feeling towards parties.

It’s not too different from this one, but this time, he has Jaemin and Jeno and Yukhei next to him.

Somehow, these bunch of high schoolers has managed to grab hold of cases upon cases of beer, and other hard liquors among others. It’s not surprising to Donghyuck at all, he’s not a prude—and he’s definitely not a goody two shoes.

The party escalates pretty quickly after Yukhei’s appearance (with the three of them in tow). Yukhei has made a reputation of being the life of the party, and whenever he’s around, the event’s sure to be fun no matter what.

It’s so perfectly Lucas.

They play drinking games, and a lot of it—Donghyuck’s really good at playing games, with or without alcohol involved so he ends up exiting the game circle unscathed. But Jeno, not so much—he’s been drinking a lot and been doing all sorts of embarrassing dares that he’s sure to regret later.

Yukhei and Donghyuck are now left to fend after Jeno, Jaemin has disappeared early on to the games and Donghyuck almost swears that he sees him disappear with a girl. But Donghyuck pushes that to the back of his mind now, his priority is getting Jeno to sober up so he can go home without getting his ass beaten.

Yukhei assists them to an empty room, snaps his fingers and suddenly there’s a glass and pitcher of water on the bedside drawer. Donghyuck’s surprised that he can now pull these kinds of tricks off, but Yukhei just shrugs him off with nonchalance.

“We are _never_ taking Jeno out to drink again. His mom is going to kick my ass if she knows about this, and you know his mom used to do martial arts.” Donghyuck complains once they’ve hauled Jeno on the bed. Jeno’s knocked out, sleeping like a baby and hugging a pillow. If this wasn’t a stranger’s bed, Donghyuck would’ve thought it’s adorable.

Yukhei laughs from behind him and Donghyuck turns around to see him standing in front of a full body mirror, checking himself out. _Of course_. “Dude, where’s the fun in that? Let him make mistakes, he’s a teenager.”

“He is. But he’s my friend and I don’t want bad things to happen to him. He’s going to have such a bad hangover, and he needs to be early tomorrow for his family lunch!” He emphasizes the early part of his sermon, but Yukhei doesn’t seem to be listening.

He sits down on the bed next to Jeno, pulling out his phone from his back pocket and slips it into his own jacket for safekeeping. “It’s not too bad, Duckie. It’s just drinking. At one point, every parent has to experience their kid’s first hangover.”

“You are not helpful at all, Yukhei.” Donghyuck says, glares at Yukhei’s reflection through the mirror.

Yukhei turns around to face him with a smile so bright it breaks his face in half, almost. “Will you be alright here, with Jeno? I still kinda wanna join the party games.”

Donghyuck’s jaw drops in disbelief. “What the hell—are you fucking serious? You’re gonna leave me alone here with Jeno? What if something bad happens—”

“Donghyuck!” Yukhei roars. “You’re over-thinking this. Come on, it’ll be fine. Just call out to me when he’s awake and then I can get you two home safely. If you get bored in here, I’ll find Jaemin and you can switch. Deal?”

He despises how Yukhei always has a way of convincing him. “Deal.”

So this is how Donghyuck ends up on the bed next to Jeno, making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid in his sleep like strip off all his clothes or roll off the bed or accidentally hurt himself. For the most part, Donghyuck’s just been playing games on his phone or taking ridiculous selfies (with Jeno) on Jeno’s phone.

After perhaps an hour of Donghyuck playing Plants vs. Zombies on his phone, Jeno finally budges next to him. Jeno stretches and almost punches him in the face with the movement. Donghyuck swats him away. “Rude.”

Jeno groans next to him and curls up in on himself, positively sobbing into his hands and Donghyuck tries his best not to laugh at the situation. “Feel alright, Jeno?” He asks with his tone lilting at the end of Jeno’s name. He pokes at Jeno’s butt, and Jeno groans in response to this.

“Go away, Hyuck.”

“Get up, loser. I’ve got water for you.”

Jeno manages to pull himself together, sitting up with the support of multiple pillows and chugging down the glass of water Donghyuck kindly serves him. Jeno asks for another, and another until he’s emptied half of the pitcher.

“How much did I drink? And fuck—how long was I out?” He asks and wipes his lips with the back of his hand, running a hand through his hair and gripping on it to ease what Donghyuck assumes to be a headache.

Donghyuck’s still on his phone, scrolling through it as Jeno nurses his headache. There are multiple Snapchat videos from the party, and in most of them, Yukhei has a special feature. “I couldn’t keep track, but I’m pretty sure you chugged vodka at one point—straight, at that. And you were out for a little over an hour.”

Jeno clears his throat and Donghyuck glances up at him with a sly smile. Somehow, seeing Jeno suffer is entertainment in itself.

“Now that you’re awake, can we go home? This party sucks and I’m never taking you to one ever again. You’re such a lightweight.”

“Hey,” Jeno retorts, “I’m not a lightweight. Bad at drinking games I can take, but I draw the line at lightweight.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and fishes Jeno’s phone from his jacket, tosses it to Jeno who barely catches it. “Still a loser.”

Jeno shifts next to him and suddenly, Jeno’s head is resting against his shoulder. It’s a dull weight, but a welcome heaviness either way. Donghyuck slides down just a little, so Jeno can find a more comfortable spot against his shoulder. “Can we stay for a while? I don’t think I can walk.”

Donghyuck glances at the door, where shadows upon shadows walk past through the gap of the door. He hums his agreement. “That’s fine, take all the time you need. Yukhei said he’s going to drive us home but look at him,” Donghyuck shows Jeno his phone screen, where a video of Yukhei pouring shots is playing, “having the time of his life.”

Jeno lets out a breathy laugh through his nose at the video. “He’s so popular.”

Donghyuck sighs and presses out of the app. “He is, far too popular.”

“He’s too cool for us.” Jeno’s attention is on his phone now, making a confused noise as the same notification that flashes in Jeno’s phone transmits into Donghyuck’s phone.

It’s a message in their group chat, it’s Jaemin—with various crying emojis and screaming about having his first kiss, spamming the chat.

Jeno laughs and shakes his head. “He acts so cool but he’s so lame. So what if he has a first kiss!”

Jaemin has made up with the rest of their friend group because of his missing in action status in the last week, and they’ve met Miri and thinks she’s pretty cool. Jeno’s apprehensive of new people at first, but if Jaemin’s happy, then they’ll let him be.

“Wow?” Donghyuck quips, pulling away from Jeno just a bit to give him an incredulous look, brow raised and mouth curved in half-smile. “You speak as if you’ve had your first kiss? Are you hiding more things from me, Lee Jeno?”

Jeno reddens, pulling away from Donghyuck and focusing all his attention on his phone once again. Jaemin has sent another text message. “Oh look! Jaemin’s asking where we are, we should go meet up with him.”

But Donghyuck snatches Jeno’s phone away from him and slips it back into his jacket. “Hey!” Jeno protests.

Donghyuck leans forward, only for Jeno to lean back. “You’ve had a first kiss?”

Jeno maintains defiant eye contact with him—but Donghyuck knows Jeno, and the Jeno he knows cannot maintain eye contact for longer than three seconds. Donghyuck counts down to three in his head. He doesn’t even finish saying three when Jeno looks away.

“Geez!” Jeno pushes him off by the shoulder, causes Donghyuck to stumble backwards on his side of the bed with a laugh. “I—I haven’t okay? Don’t make fun of me! W-what about you, had a first kiss before, huh? It’s probably Yukhei isn’t it?”

“What!” Donghyuck is hysterical at the accusation, kicks Jeno by the leg and Jeno fights back with as much force. “I would never kiss Yukhei! That’s like kissing my own brother, that’s so gross!”

Jeno pushes him again. “We’re in the same boat, you have absolutely no right to make fun of me.”

Now, it’s Donghyuck’s turn to blush. “Hey. Who said I haven’t had a first kiss?”

Jeno laughs. “If it’s not Yukhei, who else could be your first kiss?”

“You and I are not the same Jeno. What are you? Waiting for true love’s first kiss?”

This shuts Jeno up effectively, tensing up on himself and curls his legs to his chest. Jeno’s funny, because sometimes he’ll push back when Donghyuck nudges, but most times he’ll react like this—like a beaten up puppy when Dognhyuck gets the slight upper hand. Cute.

“I’m not a prude! I’m not, I’m not—waiting for love’s first kiss… there’s just… _no one to do it with._ ”

Donghyuck’s eyes go wide at this now. Donghyuck has had many kisses during his long supposedly immortal life, but not with this humanly body and not as a teenager. “Dude, so many people fall for their feet at your presence and you tell me there’s no one to do it with? You want it to be special or something?”

Jeno hits him with a pillow and Donghyuck kicks him again. “Stupid! Did you forget the thing where I like guys and I don’t think any guy would be willing to kiss another guy—especially in high school… maybe I’ll just die old, alone, and gay.”

Okay, perhaps Donghyuck deserves that pillow hit for being mindless.

Donghyuck looks at Jeno, then to himself. Then he realizes something. He’s a guy, and he’s very available to kiss. And they’re best friends, it won’t be weird—his friendship with Jeno isn’t the same with Yukhei, and Donghyuck has had enough kisses in his lifetime to be called experienced so it won’t be new to him—and he wants to help Jeno out.

That’s just it.

Helping Jeno out. No other ulterior motives.

“Well… what if we kiss?”

Donghyuck only realizes now that Jeno has a sleight of hand too, as he has snatched his phone back but drops it in response to Donghyuck's suggestion. It lights up with another notification from Jaemin. “What.”

Donghyuck expounds, flabbergasted. “I mean! You want to kiss a guy, and I’m a guy. We can be each other’s first kiss just to get it over and done with you know? If you don’t’ want to, it’s fine, forget I ever offered this. Don’t you dare mention this to any—”

“Okay.”

Donghyuck pauses, eyes wide. He doesn’t know what reaction from Jeno he originally expected, but him this serious, him looking… almost constipated—perhaps it’s not this. “Okay?”

Jeno swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Yeah!” He clears his throat as his voice cracks. Donghyuck laughs. “I mean, yeah—you offered, it’d be awkward not to accept.”

“Shut up.” Donghyuck punches him, but without any force to it. “You want this too, nerd.”

Jeno scrunches his nose. “Not really.”

They banter for a while, before they go back to the topic and Jeno asks, with all awkward gesturing in between them. “So how do we… do this? Have you ever done this before? I’m freaking out.”

“Oh my god, Jeno.” Donghyuck exhales. “Don’t freak out. It’s just me, and I know… a thing or two… so just close your eyes and trust me, okay?”

Jeno nods resolutely, screws his eyes shut and rests his fists on his lap. He’s facing Donghyuck, and Jeno looks absolutely ridiculous—as if he’s waiting for a great impact against him, like a wrecking ball to hit him.

“Jeno, ease the fuck out.” Donghyuck orders, a hand resting upon Jeno’s nape, his thumb brushing against his cheek. This action seems to calm Jeno down, his eyes aren’t screwed shut anymore, but his eyelashes flutter delicately against his cheeks. Huh. Since when did Jeno have such long eyelashes?

“Just do it.” Jeno snaps, but his voice is barely above a whisper.

Donghyuck obliges.

He leans forward, slow and careful. He doesn’t know how Jeno likes to be kissed, so for a first kiss and like how he watched in every single romantic comedies, he presses his lips against Jeno’s in a chaste peck.

It lasts for more than a second, but it’s enough time for Donghyuck to feel that surge of power again, warmth running up his spine and raising the hair on his skin. It’s akin to the feeling of when he feels negative emotions, but he doesn’t feel anything negative—but still, the constant warmth is there.

He doesn’t know if this is teenage giddiness, or if this is Jeno’s weirdness getting to him through osmosis, or his innate powers activating through this kind of physical touch—but whatever it is, it makes Donghyuck feel… nice.

Donghyuck finally pulls away and when Jeno opens his eyes, he looks a bit dazed.

“You alright, Jeno?”

Jeno seems to hear him, clearing his throat and biting down on his lower lip. Donghyuck releases his light grip on him. “It was… that was well… anti-climactic.”

Donghyuck snorts and hits him. “See? Wasn’t that bad. It’s just a first kiss.”

Jeno’s chewing on his lip again, gaze shifting from his hands on his lap to Donghyuck. “This… it’s not weird, right?”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Not weird at all. Just friends helping each other out—and besides, it’ll be a good story to tell—your first kiss was with the Lee Donghyuck—”

“Then can we do it again?”

Donghyuck thinks back to the nice feeling kissing Jeno brings, the warmth that runs up his spine, and the hint of power that comes with physical intimacy. He doesn’t find any reason to say no.

It takes no time at all, before Donghyuck is surging forward to kiss Jeno again. This time, Jeno moves on his own accord, cups Donghyuck’s jaw just as how Donghyuck’s doing with him. This time, Donghyuck moves his lips against Jeno’s, and it takes a second, maybe more, before Jeno’s mirroring his moves.

They find a pattern, a rhythm, a dance. What once is the clumsy, teeth on teeth kiss, is now fluid—languid, and Donghyuck feels that _warmth_ yet again. It starts at the pit of his stomach, travels up his spine and traverses his nerves to the tips of his fingertips. Jeno’s pliant underneath him, shifting so that they’re in a more comfortable position.

Yeah, Donghyuck likes this feeling.

He kisses Jeno, and the lights in the room flicker on and off, the glass of water rattles next to them yet none of those distractions can make Donghyuck pull away from Jeno.

“H-Hyuck,” it’s Jeno that pulls away, hand to his chest and eyes barely open. It’s different from Donghyuck, he’s filled with energy up to the brim and he feels as if he can do this all day (if Jeno lets him, of course). “Hyuck… ‘m dizzy…”

“Oh shit.” Donghyuck finds his rationality again and sets Jeno down on the bed. “You good?”

Jeno looks drained, as if kissing Donghyuck has tired him out. Now, Donghyuck worries. “Yeah—I’m fine, just need to lie down a bit I think—still a little drunk.” He’s giggling now. “Thanks, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck laughs and flicks him on the forehead. It’s not the alcohol—Donghyuck’s sure, and his heightened senses and increased energy isn’t that hard to connect with the loss of Jeno’s energy. “Please, don’t thank me for kissing you. That sounds so wrong.”

“Found ya!” Jaemin’s voice comes booming in the room, the door slamming open and there’s Jaemin standing in the doorway with the goofiest smile on his face. “Guess who got his first kiss! That’s right, that’s me!”

Jeno looks at Donghyuck, and Donghyuck rolls his eyes—they share a look of understanding before Donghyuck pulls away from Jeno. Jaemin’s probably too high in his own glee to not point out the compromising position he’s found them in and for that, Donghyuck is thankful for his extra luck.

“Congrats?”

“What do you mean ‘congrats?’ shouldn’t it be ‘congrats!’”

“Congrats!”

 

 

Jeno eventually comes out to Jaemin and Yukhei. They both don’t mind, and think that he’s still cool. Jeno pretends to be upset at how anti-climactic their reactions are so Jaemin compromises and makes a big act with fake tears and everything.

As for their first kiss, Jeno and Donghyuck don’t speak about it again, and they don’t kiss again after that night. But they both remember it very vividly, albeit for very different reasons. But they go back to normal, their usual banter and usual teasing fall into place as if they hadn’t shared a first kiss at all. And perhaps, that’s the beauty of friendship. Donghyuck doesn’t find it weird, but sometimes he still finds himself thinking back to that day—and how physical intimacy has caused the sudden surge in his energy.

He narrates his discovery to Yukhei a week after the party. Because as much as he hates to admit, it has taken him that long to come up with a version of the story that doesn’t incriminate either him or Jeno. He still holds on to his pride.

They’re in the library now, forced to study for the upcoming exams and even though Yukhei insists on just magicking his way through high school, Donghyuck has forced him to study for the full student experience he so wished to have. “Wait.” Yukhei halts him, half-way through his story. “You’re telling me that physical intimacy can… make your powers stronger, or somehow, activate them?”

The kiss with Jeno has made Donghyuck energetic for a whole other day, like he can do anything—like he can do everything. Donghyuck nods. “That’s the gist, but I don’t want to try it again because it causes my uh… partner to lose their energy. It’s like I’m sucking the life force out of them and that’s kinda creepy.”

“Wanna know what I think?”

“A part of me doesn’t, but indulge me.”

“I think you should do it again. Practice it, so you’ll know how to control it. You can have so much fun with it! You get to kiss people, _and_ activate your abilities. What can get better than that?”

Donghyuck snickers at that. Practice, as if it’s that easy to ask kisses for people. But when Donghyuck thinks about it, it’s not that bad—he can kiss anyone, he just has to be careful in case they’re sick or something—but… Yukhei’s point makes sense, as much as Donghyuck hates it.

“I’ll think about it, then see what I can do.”

Yukhei seems satisfied with that, and goes back to his Health Educatin module. Donghyuck too, goes back to his own Algebra problems. They don’t share more words after that.

Until.

“Donghyuck… I just realized something.”

Donghyuck looks up from his book. “What?”

“What would happen if you had sex?”

Donghyuck throws his pen at Yukhei’s face. “Go back to studying!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay nohyuck??? hhhhhh this is by far the longest chapter of this fic omg :S

**Author's Note:**

> tell me what you think!! 
> 
> cc: [xuxikr](https://curiouscat.me/xuxikr)  
> twt: [@renduckie](https://twitter.com/renduckie)


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